7 March 2013
23 days ever since. Life has never been the same again.
Life is a whirl of work and videos. Looking at pictures of happy couples, their pure untainted relationships, make me so jealous. My heart aches so badly.
This is so damn unfair. Mine will never be the same again. Mine, from the day he decided to cheat on me, is tainted forever. I am tainted forever.
I am disgusting, and disgusted.
Wednesday, March 6, 2013
Friday, March 1, 2013
Soreness of the Heart
1st March 2013
It comes often in the night. The night is silent, dark and empty- a reflection of what my heart feels when this part of the day takes over the sky in its long, dark sweeping coat.
I can be doing anything mundane, and no matter how loud it is the crying is audible right there. The ache spreads dully, starting from the middle of the heart and spreading its roots slowly. I feel it crawling and overtaking the entire heart of mine, before squeezing it and slowly tearing it, leaving me defenseless and very much alone once again.
Expression could be in the form of anything. Tears, incoherent sobbing, blood, pain, sweat...it all occurs in the heat of the moment. And suddenly, after I blink, everything ebbs away, like the entire fiasco never happened before.
I want out. No matter how hard I try, the pain will never fade and the voices will never stop whispering, telling me I was betrayed and I was stupid and naive and I am making the wrong choice once again. I can hardly trust a thing he says now, and all he has to do is to turn up looking really sorry for himself for my foolish heart to melt.
How many times had my friends said that I deserved better? I didn't really think that, I just thought I didn't do anything to deserve this unjust that has been placed on me. And now, I am actually being nice to him pretending everything is all right- letting him feel a little better for himself- making things easier for him just cause he sank into a major depression the day before. I do want a compromise, but I honestly can't see the way. This is so unfair.
And now I can't see straight again, my vision's blurred. Shall it be just tears tonight, or something else?
It comes often in the night. The night is silent, dark and empty- a reflection of what my heart feels when this part of the day takes over the sky in its long, dark sweeping coat.
I can be doing anything mundane, and no matter how loud it is the crying is audible right there. The ache spreads dully, starting from the middle of the heart and spreading its roots slowly. I feel it crawling and overtaking the entire heart of mine, before squeezing it and slowly tearing it, leaving me defenseless and very much alone once again.
Expression could be in the form of anything. Tears, incoherent sobbing, blood, pain, sweat...it all occurs in the heat of the moment. And suddenly, after I blink, everything ebbs away, like the entire fiasco never happened before.
I want out. No matter how hard I try, the pain will never fade and the voices will never stop whispering, telling me I was betrayed and I was stupid and naive and I am making the wrong choice once again. I can hardly trust a thing he says now, and all he has to do is to turn up looking really sorry for himself for my foolish heart to melt.
How many times had my friends said that I deserved better? I didn't really think that, I just thought I didn't do anything to deserve this unjust that has been placed on me. And now, I am actually being nice to him pretending everything is all right- letting him feel a little better for himself- making things easier for him just cause he sank into a major depression the day before. I do want a compromise, but I honestly can't see the way. This is so unfair.
And now I can't see straight again, my vision's blurred. Shall it be just tears tonight, or something else?
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