2 April 2013
Returning home from abroad didn't help at all. The pain, instead of dissolving, has become heightened and is heightening with each passing day. Just sitting alone, doing something, and I will find tears streaming down my face. The reenactment of the scene of the cheating keeps floating up. It didn't use to hurt abroad, but now it does and it is slowly chewing and gnawing on my heartstrings. I'm just wondering when it would be the day when I realize my heart is no longer there.
Since that fateful day, when I considered what I should do, I realized I mostly thought only about what he would feel if I carried out different actions. I never ever placed my interests first, like how I've realized so many people would do. A friend's mum, despite so many years of being married, separated with her husband upon the realization of his affair. A friend whose partner cheated, even without him knowing at the start, parted amiably. All this things happen everyday, and I ask why do humans even stray when they've made promises?
This is the darkness of the adult world. A darkness I shouldn't even have been exposed to at such an age, if only I loved myself more and not loved others more. I'm so angry that I'd never be able to have a normal loving relationship with him, or anyone at all again. Looking at pictures of other happy couples makes me so mad. Just so mad. What trust, what love, what happy and faithful forever together? It'll just crumble in an instance. Nothing is permanent. Nothing will love you every single moment. You have only yourself to take care of yourself.
The introduction of methods to help dissolve the pain from him doesn't work a single bit. It only makes me hurt more, and more depressed.
When would this pain end?
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