28 February 2013
16 days since I got to know the ugly truth, the one which destroyed everything that held up my world. The one that burst my happy bubble, and the one that threw me into the depths of despair and hatred.
I find myself extremely imbalanced. One moment, I pity the sad look in his eyes and I want to reach out to him to comfort him and tell him things will be all right; one moment I hate every single fibre of his being and I just want to oust him from my life and curse him to an eternity of pain and suffering.
This dichotomy is troubling, and it tears me apart, leaving me more alone and confused ever. I tell myself every single day that it didn't happen, and we are still the same old couple we were, happy and untainted. But every time I waver, the devil tears down the wall I've frantically built around my heart and sink its poisonous claws deep into my throbbing and aching heart. Hatred, resentment, despair, agony, I have never felt such strong emotions before.
Most importantly, I have never felt so lonely and empty.
Who can understand my pain, and who can reach out a hand to hid me from the pain and shield me from the trauma? I don't know. I fluctuate unstably, and I am just like a ticking time bomb.
I see the happy pictures of other couples, smiling without a hint of mistrust or darkness. Tears fall down my cheeks and I waver once more. I will never have that innocence of love ever again. I have lost every single thing.
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